May 2004
  Social Scene

Well hello Darlings!

Guess where I've just been! To the premier of KILL BILL VOL 2 darlings. The film is absolute sadistic rubbish, but of course UMA THURMAN looked OK, and I met that new flavour of the month sex girl REBECCA LOOSE (sic or is that sick). I think she may still be a bit of a lezzie actually, allegedly, but at least she's wiped the smirk off the face of that silly VICTORIA MISS PIGGY BECKHAM who is really annoying, as is DAVID BECKHAM with his silly voice and silly trousers and silly nail polish and silly hairstyles. It's allegedly true that he shaves his you know what, as one of the other strumpets revealed in one of the gutter press papers. And there’s more to come darlings……I have it on good authority that the Beckam scandal has only just begun! Oh dear, another tale or two or three about his womanizing? You heard it here first darlings!

Anyway the whole thing was probably the fault of MISS PIGGY's mother, that's the real true story allegedly because the beady little mother told MISS P to go off to NY and follow her career. What career? She doesn’t have one without Mr squeaky voiced Golden Balls, and she should have gone to Dagoland and kept an eye on the husband, we all know that.

And have you seen the size of that other Old Pepper girl, the ginger one GERRY, she yes, GERRY is looking huge now having put on so much weight, I mistook her for THE DUCHESS OF PORK in the papers.

That BRITNEY SPEARS is also looking very podgy in recent pictures around the legs, they are short, fat, but not hairy at least . I dont know whose got the worst legs, SPEARS or BEYONCE. These pop princesses look nothing without their stage costumes, and great big 7 inch stilettos I can tell you.

There is now an American plastic surgeon in town practising laser surgery, really the new thing we are told, but this charlie sends his patients out of the hospital to a hotel on the same day as the surgery, all this after quite deep laser surgery. The hotel doesnt have any medical staff and the surgeon doesnt visit the patients - just sends medication around with a courier. One patient recently was in great pain and this business is about to blow up into a full blown scandal. You mark my words darlings, you read it here first and this will be a big one if the s…t hits the fan.

S…t is big in some girls' schools. Have you heard the one about the posh girls private school where SIR BOB's daughter went. Where one of the senior girls poohs in the bath allegedly. All these terrible things going on in this country! Where I come from things are a bit different I can tell you, sweeties, even though they say we are less civilized, and PIERRE, my chappo, says England is the worst of all. Well you read it all here first, sweeties.

I'm just off to a lunch with JOAN COLLINS, I hear she can be very badtempered allegedly and we can all expect an explosion if the slightest little thing goes wrong. Well who can blame her for being a bit grouchy at her age and having to wear all that make up and hot wigs and probably corsets allegedly and things. I will tell all next time, sweeties.

Yours Regally Regina

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