July 2004
  Social Scene

Darling sweetie pies I have been quite exhausted in a social whirl doing the season this year. Ascot, Wimbledon and now Henley. I am running out of new outfits to wear though I do not suppose that matters here in London where it is not as smart as Paris, Rome and the Cot Dazzle.

I was pleased to see so many nice chappo’s legs on display at the tennis though I do think that RODDICK chappo is too big and I do not like the way he sticks his bum out, that is really ungainly and should be left to us ladies. That TIMBO is quite cute though is he not, girlies? I could fancy him if I did not have my toyboy PIERRE, who is very lovely as everybody remarks when we go out together on the social scene. That SERENA is another huge one who should not be wearing mini skirts, she is even bigger than that podgy BEYONCE, but I suppose hers is muscle not flab.

Black women are everywhere in the world nowdays. What was all the fuss about JANET JACKSON'S boob? It was obviously a fake one, you could tell that a mile away but not as obvious as MRS NOT POSH AT ALL BECKHAMS which look like coconut halves allegedly.

What a shower the people on the social scene are here, I really do not think I can put up with it for much longer, they are so boring and all the hangers on in the outskirts of society. One party I went to was better than usual beacause there were more interesting foreign people like me, that was MARIE-CLAIRE VON SOMEBODY's do at CLIVEDEN, the old home of the famous ASTOR family with CHRISTINE KEELHAULER and MANDY RICE PAPER DAVIES and all those people in the swinging sixties. It's now a hotel and spa and a good place for a bash and there were some interesting foreign chappos and girlies too though some of the girlies were a bit long in the tooth and there were a few titled ladies of certin age wearing tight sparkly pantalons which did not look too good as you can imagine sweeties.

A charitable benefit for some islands somewhere where they have turtles and things was also quite good. DAME BIRLEY CHASSEY was looking very starlike and DAME IVANA TRUMP was looking very IVANA like and i chatted to a famous matronly actress who apparently allegedly was in a famous film where all the long in the tooth ladies took all of their clothes off which i can not see the point of really but she, this one, CICI was very nice and interesting. then the one that. STYLE magazine calls THE TEDIOUS LITTLE MAN came and did the auction which i did not find anything to buy for PIERRE in and then at eleven oclock we all had to go home which i thought was not so good as some people there who had not been given freebies had paid £500 for their tickets.

The next party, where some of the dregs of London society turned up to and probably gate crashed, was organized by a BARON AND BARONESS, a very nice couple and THE BARONESS looked a bit surprised by the state of some of these so named socialites, as you can imagine sweeties. So many tedious little men at this one. I was nearly knocked over by a barrel like little chappo, O'NEILL who is an editor and TV presenter (is not everybody nowdays, sweeties?) and he did not even apologise. The tedious little men brigade included the most redfaced and rude one called RUSSELL and the most foulsmelling one MY NAME IS BOND, and there were a lot of foreign royalty and nobility but unfortunately some were sham titles as is usual on the social scene here in London. THE BARONESS herself is a SA firecracker like me which is why we got on so well.

My editor was caught up in a social rage escapade at a cocktail party where she was verbally abused by drunken foreigners. Having, as you do darlings, stuck up for herself, she then received a drunken abusive threatening and harassing middle of the night phone call, well you would have to be drunk to call somebody at such a late hour darlings and nobody with an ounce of class would do such a thing. Anyway she’s sent a copy to Scotland Yard. SY take these matters very seriously these days darlings, and so they should. Don’t forget that last year she had to report harassing calls to SY from a dreadful little person who called her every day at a certain time and hung up. Those calls were banned, but SY took a note of the culprit, who is known for causing trouble. I keep telling you darlings that the London social scene is full of not so nice people.

Next month of course me and PIERRE will be sunbathering in MARBELLA or the COT DAZZLE so I will write to you from there.

Thank you for reading my page, sweeties and see you next month.

Yours Regally


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