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Summer dreams, ripped at the seams ...
September is regarded as the second time in our calendar year when divorce professionals see an increase in new cases coming to the fore. In his International Herald Tribune travel column, Roger Collis asks 'Honey did you pack the divorce papers?' http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/08/22/travel/trfreq22.php
We all build up huge expectations from our holiday. Let's face it, you save up all year, talk about it endlessly, get the new wardrobe, you want it to be heaven. Couples in particular can pin incredible hopes on a holiday – whether it's of reconnecting with your soulmate or just reviving a flagging sex life. This high level of anticipation can only set you up for a fall. Remember, on holiday you're still the same people with the same issues.
Has your relationship fallen foul during your holiday? Have you come home after a fantastic holiday only to feel miserable about getting back to work and the same old routine? Have you come home recharged and full of hope, inspiration and anticipation about the months ahead?
This is a perfect time to take stock. Sometimes we are so busy with day to day chores and routine, our holidays are the only time we can reflect on our lives. If we've been burying our head in the sand about relationship problems – the long, hot days can give us time to admit to ourselves that something is very wrong. What did you find out this year on your holiday?
Another reason relationships suffer after holidays is because, ironically, the couple actually had a really good time. If you are miserable 90% of the time, feeling unusually happy for a week or two can really highlight this. Returning to grim reality can create more than post holiday blues – it can convince people that they will only be happier if they leave their partner. Sometimes they are right. But sometimes it can be helpful to recognise the things you need to change about your life to feel happier all year round – whether its working less, spending more time together, enjoying sporting activities or having more time to yourself – rather than adopting a 'grass is greener' attitude.
I've noticed that more effort is put into organising the summer break of two weeks than the 50 others! What if you took the time this month to look at how you could be as prepared for taking off on the separation runway as you are for the Malaga runway?
Could these be things you haven't thought of?
Where you want to go
The options of getting there
The available types of accommodation
The implications of cost, with a budget in mind
Will it suit the whole family
What interests do you have which need to be catered for
Is it singles or couples or family
What language do they speak?
What do you need to do to get to there on time
What clothing will you need
Will you require visas
Are there safety precautions required - innoculations, insurance etc
If you're still thinking of what to do, bear in mind that this list will help you sort out what it is you're really addressing. These details come into play every single day – if your relationship is going through a rough patch, take a moment to check if it's because you and your partner are speaking the same language. Would learning some of his/her phrases help you both out and reduce the arguing? Does one of you think it's full board and the other feel it's B&B they're getting. Do you need to address your wardrobe and personal style?
Be sure to answer the questions about where you are going – both as a couple and individually – what do you want to achieve in the next 12 months, have you thought about it? What budget have you got, who does it involve, can everyone play a part?
If you are thinking of separating, know why and what options are open to you – seek advice from divorce professionals who are able to point out the hazards, the highlights and the implications. The more effort put in at an early stage, the easier the journey and the greater the chance you will get to your chosen destination without breaking down, or forgetting passports and tickets.
For anyone who has been shaken by their holiday rather than being stirred, there's a raft of information at www.thedivorcecoach.co.uk or give me a call to see what help is available for your particular circumstances. You don't need to be divorced to speak to me!
For a wealth of information about the legalities of separation and what options are available to you, I wholeheartedly recommend Woolley & Co's excellent service - http://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk
Jackie can be emailed – Jackie@thedivorcecoach.co.uk
Jackie Walker is Master Practitioner of NLP, life coach and Spiritual Practitioner. She lives in Edinburgh and set up The Divorce Coach after her own challenging divorce experiences. Her methods help people instantly identify the real issues, challenges and obstacles of divorce and relationship breakdown and overcome them in easy stages. New practices are opening September in Guildford and Paddington for clients who prefer to work in person rather than by phone.
Resources: Divorce Survival Report and Your Personal Relationship Audit are both available from www.thedivorcecoach.co.uk along with a raft of easily digestible information and her new ebook 7 Easy Steps to Stress Less Relationships. |
