 Dear Readers,
Welcome back to my column. It's been another busy month for me and my staff keeping single people socially busy with www.dinnerdates.com and couples with www.dinnerwithfriends.co.uk. I'm now looking forward to taking a Dinner Dates group to Cork, somewhere I have always wished to visit, this first Bank holiday weekend and our spectacular May Ball at the Mayfair Hotel on May 17th. If any Hot Gossip readers who are single would like to attend this Ball please give the DD office a call on 020 8741 1252 and mention the May Madness Hot Gossip Offer and we will give you half price membership!
April saw my first literary assignment with handbag.com writing about celebrity body language which I thoroughly enjoyed doing www.handbag.com
Hopefully April was a good invigorating month for you too despite the awful weather – or was it? Was it a month when however hard you tried things just didn't seem to work out? Well although you may sometimes think disasters only happen to you, you're not unique. In fact so many people write to me and ask me if I have any tales of disaster dates, and these happen to countless people every day of the week, I decided to give you all a sample to help cheer you up! By the way if you have any you'd like to share with us or if you have any problems you think I could advise on in 'Ask Hillie' please send them to hillie@enterprise.net!
Happy reading,
Best wishes
Hillie
DATES FROM HELL!
(YOU ARE NOT ALONE!)
Mistaken Identity
Laura was recovering from a messy divorce and decided she was ready to start dating again. She had always found it amusing to scour the personal columns in her daily newspaper, but now she decided to answer some of the adverts herself. A few days later she had a call from Peter, one of the advertisers, who suggested they should meet up the next night. They arranged to meet on the platform of her local railway station, and he said he would be carrying a rolled umbrella. She arrived on the platform early so as to be sure not to miss him, and looking around she saw a real hunk carrying a rolled umbrella. She couldn't believe her luck! She went up to him and said, 'Hi, I'm Laura,' and started chatting to him. After a while she suggested that they go off somewhere together and was surprised when he called his friends over. It took quite a time at the local police station to convince these plain clothes police officers that she was not the woman there had been recent complaints about for soliciting unsuspecting rail travellers!
Drowned off!
I once went out to dinner on a first date to a very exclusive restaurant in London. We ordered the meal and an extremely expensive bottle of red wine; we chatted away and the evening was going well. The wine was brought to the table, our glasses were filled, and as we toasted each other I made an elaborate gesture with my other hand and spilt the rest of the bottle all over him and his impressive looking suit. Strangely enough he never asked me out again.
A Deadly Reply
Anthony was out on his first date with a nurse called Rosemary whom he was very keen on. They were driving along when he saw a Skoda car coming towards them and, seeking to impress her with his knowledge on cars, he said 'Have you heard all the Skoda jokes? How do you double the value of a Skoda? – Fill up the fuel tank! – They're terrible cars, just like the Lada, badly manufactured and can be a very poor investment.'
'I'm sorry you said that,' she replied 'my father saved up every penny he could to buy a Lada as it was the only new car he could afford.' There was an awkward silence; he realised he had to say something to save the situation and wanted to show that he wasn't spineless. 'I stand by what I said but I didn't mean to offend your father. I'd love to meet him so we could discuss the pros and cons of his car. When's he free?' he said. 'He died two months ago' was the reply.
A Merry Dance
James knew that Annette loved the opera and he decided that a good way to win her affections would be to take her on a date to The Royal Opera House. He bought the tickets and told her that he had a surprise date for her. They met early evening in Covent Garden and he took her for a meal. During dinner he intimated that he also was an opera fan and knew quite a lot about the subject and that their date tonight was to see the opera Romeo and Juliet at the Royal Opera House. She was thrilled, especially since this was the first time she had heard of this opera.
They arrived at The Opera House, he bought the programmes and they sat down in their very expensive seats. Then he opened his programme and the awful truth dawned upon him ¬– Romeo and Juliet was a ballet! They sat through two hours of a ballet which interested neither of them and she fell asleep!
Woof, woof!
Ruth was a good-natured girl who loved doing things for others, until she met Joe. Joe was very good looking and knew it. Every girl he had ever met couldn't do enough for him. He was also quite tight with his money when it came to girlfriends and since he'd started going out with Ruth, three months ago, he'd never bought her a meal. In fact, he demanded food from her at a moment's notice at any time of the day or night, complaining if it took too long to prepare and never giving her any thanks.
One day Ruth's patience ran out and she rang him up to ask him over that night to share a delicious stew she had just made. Later she served him his food but said she felt unwell and couldn't face anything to eat. He tucked in and for once in his life said how delicious the meal was and asked for more. After the third helping, he contentedly sat back and enquired what she had put in this delicious stew. 'Just four cans of ....dog food!' she said. Needless to say he never demanded another meal from her again.
ASK HILLIE
Your chance to get your worries off your chest
Whether it's marriage guidance, relationship advice, workplace or career difficulties, or family problems I'm here to help. A problem shared is a problem halved, so if something is getting you down or troubling you please email me at hillie@enterprise.net
Dear Hillie
I have been seeing a man for 8 months now and we have known each other for 3 years. When we first started going out together he was seeing another girl who I also know. He told me he loved me from the moment we met and after seeing each other for 4 months I told him I couldn't continue with the relationship unless he finished with the other girl, so he did. However I know he still goes out with her, speaks to her on the phone every day and that she has no idea I am seeing him. He says they are now just good friends. So why is he keeping our relationship a secret? I know she is still in love with him but I am also in love with him and want the world to know. Every time I challenge him about the situation he gets really nasty and tells me it's not the right time to let our secret out. I keep accepting the situation because I don't want to lose him. Am I being made a fool of?
Hillie says:
This is a foolish situation to put yourself in and I suggest you extricate yourself from it as soon as possible. If this man truly loved you or the other girl he would not want to risk hurting either of you. You are both deceiving the other girl, who is the innocent party in this affair, and he is also keeping his options open by making sure his relationship with you is a secret. You say you don't want to lose him but has he ever been truly yours to keep? Don't waste any more of your valuable time and emotions on this man, and try to make sure that your next relationship is with someone who will be open, honest and proud to tell the world of his love for you.
Dear Hillie
Over the last few years my wife has become a highly successful business executive and now earns a great deal more than I do. I feel very inferior although my wife tells me not to be stupid as she does not feel superior to me. I know my moaning brings her down and now she is starting to lose her patience with me. But how can I cope with the way I feel?
Hillie says:
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be proud of your talented wife and her achievements. She needs your emotional support not your self pity. If you withhold this support you could find there is more at risk to lose than just her patience. It really doesn't matter which of you earns the higher salary so long as you can both love and appreciate each other enough to enjoy it together.
Dear Hillie
For 18 months I have had a serious crush on my boss who is married although I have not made it known to him that I find him attractive. I don't chase married men and feel ashamed with myself that I could even entertain the thought. I have tried blocking him out of my mind and avoiding him as much as I can but I still think of him. Lately it has degenerated into erotic dreams about him. It's driving me mad! He is a very nice person and I can't find an excuse to hate him, yet I cannot have him. Should I resign?
Hillie says:
Endlessly thinking & dreaming of the unattainable is a displacement activity which avoids having time to deal with day to day problems. It is also being committed to non commitment - attracted to someone who is not free to commit to you so you can never commit to them. Get out of this rut & change things! Look for a new job and increase your social life by joining in anything that gives you a fresh start and helps you make new unattached friends.
Dear Hillie
I feel thoroughly lost. After 4 years together, my girlfriend and I split up 2 months ago. She moved to London a year ago to be with me, but now I think she has either met someone else or wants to spread her wings. Since she ended our relationship she has hardly bothered to see how I am; she never calls me although she occasionally sends a 'chatty' e-mails however after 4 years I think we should be able to communicate properly. My main problem is that she doesn't want to see me and I feel she wants to totally forget me. During our time together I gave so much of myself to her and we went through so many things together, it hurts that I am no longer important, even as a friend. I know I should give her time, but even though I accept her feelings for me have changed I wish that she would at least see me for a drink and a chat. What should I do? What do you think she is feeling, and what are her reasons for not seeing me? She has left a massive hole in my life and I miss her so much.
Hillie says:
Rejections always hurts and only time will help ease the pain. Although your girlfriend recently decided for whatever reason that she doesn't want to see you any more, she is still keeping in contact. She needs both space and privacy to sort out her emotions, so let her have them. Send chatty e-mails back to her and just wait and see what happens. Give yourself as little time as possible to dwell on your thoughts. Busy yourself with seeing old friends; investigate new activities and hobbies you have never tried before and try to make new friends. Once she sees you are getting on with your life, the pressure will lift off her and she may eventually start to miss you!
Dear Hillie
Finally after years of heartache and pain (through an abusive marriage and miserable divorce) I met the man of my dreams who fulfilled a list of "qualities" that I had prayed for. With much trepidation, because I have an 8 year old son, I said yes when Tom asked me to marry him. We love each other completely and everything was going wonderfully well until very recently when we moved in with him. Since then he has been less demonstrative, kisses me infrequently and makes love to me even less. Although my intellect tells me nothing has changed and that he loves me as much, if not more than he did before we moved in, I am still a very "needy" person. Our communication is great and we have discussed the situation but nothing has changed. He says he feels so comfortable that he is happy just to be in my presence and feels so complete that for the first time in years he can sleep at night. Although I believe him, as things are so right, I feel sad and rejected. He tells me I only have to "ask" and that he is trying harder than ever to show affection. I know that lasting love requires compromise and in this man I have everything I always wanted except for attention and intimacy. I was never really interested in sex before but I can't get enough of him. It's wonderful for him to be so comfortable, however the consequences really hurt. Although my head knows that he loves me, my heart also needs to know. Please help.
Hillie says:
Dating is always a more intense and action packed time than living together, because such intensity would be exhausting to keep up all the time. Learning to live with someone demands a lot of patience, love and understanding. Being needy is desperately asking for something because you don't have faith you will get it. However you have no reason to feel insecure with Tom, so just be happy, keep showing him your affection and eventually he will become less self conscious and initiate intimacy himself. You have had years of abuse, Tom has never been in a close loving relationship before and you both need time to adjust to this new life.
Hillie Marshall
Hillie started her working career as a radiographer and then deviated into show business as a singer and actress and eventually being theatre producer for her company Edwardians Unlimited. Following her divorce in 1989 and with two young children to bring up, she launched Dinner Dates, the social events and holiday Company for single people. Today Dinner Dates is the UK’s longest established company of its kind with over 17,000 members nationwide.
The phenomenal success of Dinner Dates for singles gave Hillie the idea of a social events company for couples, so in 2007, she set up Dinner With Friends, the UK’s first couples only dining club.
Not only is Hillie a successful business entrepreneur, her experience with people has been put to good use and as both an Agony Aunt through the internet and in magazines, she offers advice and a sympathetic ear to thousands, making sense of personal and relationship problems.
Hillie is an accomplished author having written three successful books on relationships. She has given relationship advice on numerous TV and Radio shows such as GMTV, Richard and Judy, The Big Breakfast, Esther Rantzen, Kilroy, The Vanessa Show, The Time The Place, Carlton’s After 5 and was ‘Dr Date’ for LBC.
She has two children Nicola (27) and Jamie (24) and lives in Chiswick with her husband Angus and their cat 'Rufus'.
You can e-mail Hillie at: hillie@enterprise.net
Her books: 'The Good Dating Guide', 'Hillie Marshall's Guide to Successful Relationships' and 'Agonise with Hillie' can be bought on line at: www.hillie.com
Information on Dinner Dates can be found at: www.dinnerdates.com
Information on Dinner with Friends can be found at: www.dinnerwithfriends.co.uk
Words copyright: Hillie Marshall 2008
 
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