March 2004
  Social Scene

I’m in a whingy mood this month darlings…..I’m fed up with the way Britain is going down the tubes…everything is becoming second class! Incidentally I heard from our editor that it took ten whole days for a second class letter to arrive, and some small parcels never made it at all, now I know where my all valentine cards went to. So if you want to be sure your mail is delivered do put a first class stamp on your envelope. Don’t you think it’s so impersonal writing electronic –there I said it – mail.

My next big whinge is about the state of travel and I can add America to this. I just arrived back from Palm Beach and what a lot of trouble it was to get there – into America I mean. I won’t be going there for a bit. On the flight I had to sit next to a dreadful man with a beard who reeked of cologne. He kept trying to talk my head off. It got so bad at one stage that I asked to be moved. I mean a girl has to get her beauty sleep, and being a jet setter dearies I have to catch it when I can. I used to be a stewardess in my EARLY twenties and I can tell you these girls are nothing compared to what we were like. BOAC uniforms were not only elegant, but sexy too. Those slim fitting skirts, high kicking heels and perky little hats made a girl feel glamorous, nowadays they wear cheap man made fibres and simply dreadful styles.

I met my first husband when I was in BOAC uniform. I just thought I’d mention that!

Palm Beach was OK, nothing much to write home about but better than spending February in London or Paris. People seem to have parties at home rather than entertain in restaurants these days and single girls don’t always get invited because the hostess is afraid we might steal their hubby. Looking at some of these plastic coated lypo suction queens it’s no wonder. Madeline (sir-name deleted by editor) is one such person. I swear darlings that she has had so much surgery on her plump little face that she can hardly smile, and her hubby is a sweetie, and I for one would grab him for myself at the first opportunity. It’s a bad day when a girl has to take along a homosexual walker to get into a party. I mean my gay friends are safe, I know they won’t bother me for you know what.

Madeline is not the only plastic queen in Palm Beach who is trying to look younger to save her marriage, but by far she’s the worst. You can always tell how old a woman is by how many liver spots she’s got on her hands. A good recipe for this, and I don’t have any by the way, is lemon juice, but the Chinese do a marvellous little cream which I bought in China town. 

I was going to show you a picture of my beautiful self this month but I haven’t had time to look through my chocolate box where I keep them, so better luck next time.

Everybody’s talking about the Akins Diet. What a bore, darlings I’ve never had to diet. Eat caviar and drink champagne as our darling Joanie (Food & Wine) says and you’ll never get podgy.

I heard from a saucy source the other week that a certain (editor removed name) British aristocrat dowager lady had been dumped by her long time lover. After giving him property, a Rolls Royce and gawd knows what else over the years, he ran off to marry a younger model. His excuse, the girl was pregnant. It’s no wonder darlings that her children won’t talk to her. Probably worried about their inheritance. 

I have to dash because our editor is bothering me to meet her insane deadline.

Yours regally


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