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Dear Readers,
It's almost spring and the clocks go forward on March 29th hailing the start of British Summertime! Well I think that's something to look forward to; the promise of warmer weather, colour returning to parks and countryside as leaves unfold and flowers start to bloom, more time spent outside enjoying the lighter evenings which will all hopefully lighten everyone's spirit.
Have you hosted any dinner parties recently? If so, did you agonise over how to be the perfect host/hostess? I have hosted so many hundreds of dinner parties for 'Dinner Dates' over the past 20 years that I suppose I take them in my stride now. However, I was asked by BBC radio a couple of weeks ago to give tips on how to be the perfect dinner party host which made stop and evaluate what I actually do!
So my article this month is 'How to be the perfect host'. I hope you enjoy it and gain a few new ideas!
Best wishes
Hillie
How to be the perfect Host!
Every journey is 90% completed in the preparation. A dinner party is no exception and you need to carefully plan ahead every aspect of it.
Choose your guests wisely, make sure none of them have issues with each other and keep the party to a manageable number. Invite new acquaintances; however it's wise to have few good friends on the guest list also. Not only can they be relied upon to keep the conversation going but you'll be able to call on them for help in the kitchen if things get hairy.
Keep the menu simple and make sure it's one that you have made before. Avoid trying out new elaborate recipes to impress; it could have the opposite effect if things go wrong. Make sure you know whether your guests have any special dietary requirements, you don't want to kill anyone off.
If you have to go to work on the day itself, you don't want to be rushing around in the few hours you have before the guests start arriving, so try and do as much as you can the night before. Marinating and vegetable chopping can be done in advance. Prepare a cold dessert that can be stored in the fridge until it's time to serve. Make something like a cheesecake: they are easy, delicious and store well.
Plan the wines to go with the food and maybe take advice from your local wine merchant as to what wines are best suited to your menu. Your own particular favourite wine may not taste so good with certain foods. If you're having white wine remember to chill it, red wine is usually best left uncorked for an hour at room temperature.
Get the table ready the night before, put the flowers in the vases, put the CD in the stereo, choose your lighting arrangement and get your outfit laid out so that you can spend the minimum amount of time running around. Remember your guests are looking forward to seeing you and you need to be around to put everyone at their ease. You need to have a good time as well as your guests.
Plan your seating plans carefully and try to make sure your guests have something in common with the person sitting next to them.
In the weeks and days leading up to the party, mug up on current affairs, latest films and interesting topics for you to have as a standby if conversation flags.
When your guests start arriving, welcome them. Even if they are your nearest and dearest, greet them at the door with a smile and have a drink ready to serve (dessert wine is an excellent pre-dinner drink served with cheese nibbles). This will help set the mood for the evening and ensure that absolutely everyone is relaxed, including you. Immediately introduce them to other guests and give a snippet of information about them to initiate conversation. Be a social butterfly flitting between guests until everyone has arrived.
However the most important thing to bear in mind is that you are the hostess - not just the cook or maid. Everything you do should be with the enjoyment of your guests in mind, and that means keeping them entertained and relaxed as well as well-fed and watered. Think of all the times you've been a dinner guest at other people's houses. I'm sure you've judged the success of the evening by how comfortable you've felt, how good the food was and how efficient everything seemed to be.
Finally, remember your guests will only unwind if you appear to be relaxed. Whatever disasters happen in the kitchen or awkward questions come up at the dinner table, act calm even if you don't feel it. Hysterics or frantic apologies will only make everyone feel uncomfortable; it's better to hold your hands up in defeat and have a good laugh about it. People remember fun times and you'll be more likely to get return invitations from them
ASK HILLIE
Your chance to get your worries off your chest
Whether it's marriage guidance, relationship advice, workplace or career difficulties, or family problems I'm here to help. A problem shared is a problem halved, so if something is getting you down or troubling you please email me at hillie@enterprise.net
Dear Hillie
I am in a sticky situation. My close friend has just split up with her boyfriend. They have been together on and off for 2 years and she still loves him but he doesn't love her. Recently he confessed his feelings towards me and told me how much he wants me. I don't know what to do. I have feelings for him too but I don't want to hurt my friend. I've told him that I don't want to go out with him because of my friend but he phoned me last night and suggested that we meet up again to discuss things further. I really don't want to hurt my friend but I do like him a lot. Please advise me.
Hillie says:
Friends are forever however boyfriends may not be and you should never risk losing a close friend under any circumstances. Your friend needs all the help and support you can give her at the moment and if this guy has real feelings for you he'll understand and wait for you. Your friend needs time to really get over the break up before you and her ex can consider seeing eachother. It is far too soon now and cruel for you, her best friend to step into her old shoes.
Dear Hillie
I have been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. Unfortunately he has just moved 200 miles away and weekends will be our only time together. Have you any advice on how to handle long distance relationships so that we stay together.
Hillie says:
Try to spend every weekend with each other and make each one so enjoyable that you can't wait to be together again. Also try to take as many short holidays away together as you can. Keep busy with work, hobbies and sport during the week so that the days fly past and you have lots to talk about when you are together. Keep in regular contact by phone and e-mail and determine that neither of you breaks the other's trust whilst you are apart.
Dear Hillie
I have been going out with a girl for 7 years and we've been living together for 6. We recently decided to go our separate ways, which I might add was mainly my decision. We haven't been getting on for a while now and I know the decision is the right one. A few months ago I started having feelings for a girl I work with. To be honest it was these feelings that prompted me to realise that I was not with the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. However are my feelings realistic or are they just part of the break-up with my ex? I'm not sure whether to tell this girl how I feel; I am really scared of rejection. Having just split with my ex I feel her answer may be negative as she may not want to go out with a bloke on the rebound, but she is the most amazing person I have met and I cannot imagine being with anyone else so perfect for me. Is this just an emotional response to parting with someone you have been with for so long, or is it more?
Hillie says:
There are no hard and fast rules about how you should react or behave after a relationship break up. However my advice to you is to take things slowly with this girl. Begin with a friendship and see where it leads. You will only know whether you are really compatible after spending a lot of time together and having shared experiences. Above all give yourself enough time and space to ensure that you do not make another mistake.
Dear Hillie
I am in love with an unhappily married woman who, although she admits she fancies me and gave me a Valentine's card saying she 'had the hots for me', feels morally committed to her husband. I'm divorced but want a long-term relationship. I would love to make her and her two children happy. How can I win her? She's never been unfaithful but we meet for lunch two or three times a week and speak on the phone almost every day. I love her very much. Please advise.
Hillie says:
If you really love her and have her best interests at heart, you should break contact with her. As long as she has you to occupy her thoughts, to look forward to meeting and speaking to each day, she will remain in limbo. Give her space to sort out her marital problems, but let her know that should she eventually decide that her marriage is over you could be around to help pick up the pieces. In the meantime try to change your life in a positive way. Develop new hobbies and interests, join group activities and make new friends. Once your life becomes busy and fun you will have little time to grieve over this unrewarding relationship.
Hillie Marshall
Hillie started her working career as a radiographer and then deviated into show business as a singer and actress and eventually being theatre producer for her company Edwardians Unlimited. Following her divorce in 1989 and with two young children to bring up, she launched Dinner Dates, the social events and holiday Company for single people. Today Dinner Dates is the UK’s longest established company of its kind with over 17,000 members nationwide.
The phenomenal success of Dinner Dates for singles gave Hillie the idea of a social events company for couples, so in 2007, she set up Dinner With Friends, the UK’s first couples only dining club.
Not only is Hillie a successful business entrepreneur, her experience with people has been put to good use and as both an Agony Aunt through the internet and in magazines, she offers advice and a sympathetic ear to thousands, making sense of personal and relationship problems.
Hillie is an accomplished author having written three successful books on relationships. She has given relationship advice on numerous TV and Radio shows such as GMTV, Richard and Judy, The Big Breakfast, Esther Rantzen, Kilroy, The Vanessa Show, The Time The Place, Carlton’s After 5 and was ‘Dr Date’ for LBC.
She has two children Nicola (27) and Jamie (24) and lives in Chiswick with her husband Angus and their cat 'Rufus'.
You can e-mail Hillie at: hillie@enterprise.net
Her books: 'The Good Dating Guide', 'Hillie Marshall's Guide to Successful Relationships' and 'Agonise with Hillie' can be bought on line at: www.hillie.com
Information on Dinner Dates can be found at: www.dinnerdates.com
Information on Dinner with Friends can be found at: www.dinnerwithfriends.co.uk
Words copyright: Hillie Marshall 2009
 
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