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Dear Readers,
Summer at last! For the first time in years I didn’t freeze hosting Dinner Dates events Ladies Day at Royal Ascot and Henley Royal Regatta. Also I was very fortunate in being able to enjoy a week of sunshine at Club Med Da Balaia in Portugal with a Dinner Dates group.
A few weeks ago I took a group to China. We visited to Shanghai, Xian and Beijing and it was non stop sightseeing fun, from visiting the Terracotta Warriors to climbing the Great Wall. The other highlight of the trip was the impressive selection of new release films available on the plane. After watching four films each way I didn’t sleep a wink! One film I viewed ‘Yes Man’, really got me thinking. Maybe we could all take a leaf out of the lead character’s story and find ways to say ‘yes’ instead of finding excuses to say ‘no’!
So my article this month is aptly entitled ‘Saying Yes!’ I hope you enjoy it.
Have a great Month,
Best wishes
Hillie
Hillie Climbing the Great Wall
SAYING 'YES'
I've often thought that people say 'No' straight away because it is the easiest option to take; they are perhaps afraid of what might happen if they were to say 'Yes' and whether they could cope. Saying 'No' will usually keep your life at a standstill and you won't progress very far. However saying 'Yes' could open up new horizons and who knows what exciting challenges could await to help you climb the ladder of life and personal achievement?
I suppose some may say I have been foolhardy throughout my life. I've always been up for a challenge or a bet, I can't resist it. For example, I decided not to take the place I had been awarded at the Royal Academy of Music to study piano because I did not want to end up like my piano teacher and when a girlfriend said to me she was going to be a radiographer I asked her what that was. Having explained the job she asked, "why don't you become one too?" I said, 'Yes' and spent the next few years having great fun training at Westminster Hospital and taking part in the medical students' musical productions. The week I qualified, my singing teacher at the Guildhall School of Music asked me if I'd like to go for an audition with the BBC. I said, "Yes" and got the job. I took 3 weeks off from the hospital and went to Aldeburgh to sing in the BBC 2 production of Peter Grimes with Benjamin Britten conducting. This changed my life for while I was away I made more contacts and on my return to London I auditioned for London Weekend TV. I got the job, gave in my notice to the hospital and spent the next 3 months dancing and singing with Joe Brown on TV. Although I often worked part-time as a radiographer when I was out of work, my show business career in opera, musicals, variety, pantomime, acting session singing and eventually my own production company 'Edwardians Unlimited', had begun!
Twenty years later with two beautiful children and a recently failed marriage, a friend dared me to put an advert in a newspaper advertising dinner parties for single people. I said, 'Yes' and Dinner Dates was born - twenty years on it's still thriving.
A few years passed, then having persuaded a publisher, for reasons known only to myself at the time, to let me write a chapter in one of his books he later said, "you should write your own book". I said, "Yes" and signed on the dotted line. Well I procrastinated for a year until there was only a month left before the completed manuscript had to be at the printers. I confessed that I hadn't written a word, bought myself a computer, asked the astonished publisher how to switch on the machine and operate it, then brain stormed the book with him. He left in a highly nervous state and I started to type with one finger! In fact I still haven't learned to type properly and my one fingered typing is now quite fast! I wrote day and night, even in restaurants whilst I was hosting my dinner parties and a month later the copy was finished. Two months later I was posing by my book in W.H. Smiths and Harrods and my writing career had begun.
These are some of the opportunities that were offered me and if I hadn't grabbed them with both hands I expect my life would have been very different - but maybe not so exciting. Some experiences were good and some not so but on the whole I think I learned as much from the bad experiences as I did from the good and I'm grateful for them.
So don't let your fears hold you back. Don't miss those hidden opportunities. Sometimes have a go, jump in with both feet and say yes. Why not see where life takes you?
ASK HILLIE
Your chance to get your worries off your chest
Whether it's marriage guidance, relationship advice, workplace or career difficulties, or family problems I'm here to help. A problem shared is a problem halved, so if something is getting you down or troubling you please email me at hillie@enterprise.net
Dear Hillie
I was introduced to a brilliant man just over two years ago and it was love at first sight for me. We quickly moved in together and the relationship and friendship between us was fantastic, fun and exciting. Two months ago, quite out of the blue he informed me that he had kissed a female friend of his and he no longer loved me - in fact he had never loved me! Now he's going through a rocky patch with his new relationship and wants to try again with me. Although I'm now in a 'rebound relationship' I still desperately love him and want to see him again, but I couldn't bear to be hurt a second time. He says his feelings for me are genuine and that he made a big mistake in leaving me. Should I try again or would that just be stupid?
Hillie says:
Unfortunately when a man says he doesn't love a woman, he usually means it! I would suspect that unless this man is very fickle and doesn't know his own mind, he is hedging his bets by asking you to take him back because he realises his new relationship is on the way out and he doesn't want to be on his own. Either way you could find it difficult to trust him again plus it never usually works to take a step backwards. You have survived two months without him; why not wait and see how you feel in two months time? If you both feel strongly enough about each other then, start dating again with a view to total commitment. You must never let anyone mess around with your emotions. If it works out for you, I shall be delighted to have had my doubts proved wrong.
Dear Hillie
Rachel and I have been close friends since Prep school. I recently had to leave my flat and Rachel let me stay with her and her boyfriend Andrew until I found a new flat. The more time I spent with Andrew, the more I knew that we had something between us, and last week I made love to him in Rachel's bed whilst she was at work. Although Rachel is my best friend I feel Andrew could be the great love of my life. What should I do?
Hillie says:
Move out at once. Rachel was a good friend to you when you were in difficulties and you have totally abused her friendship - who needs enemies when they can have a best friend like you! Also, what sort of a man is Andrew to betray his girlfriend in her own bed under her own roof? If he can behave this way to Rachel, you can be assured he would probably do the same to you too! There are certain unwritten rules in this life, and one of them is 'look but never touch a friend's partner or ex'. If you have any loyal feelings left at all for Rachel, you will make sure she never hears about this episode from either of you.
Dear Hillie
I'm 28 and have been going out with Jan for two years, however I know in my heart of hearts that things are not right with us, although I am extremely fond of her. Three weeks ago I met Erica through work, and we have met several times for lunch and had dinner together. She's as keen on me as I am on her and although I've been honest with her about my relationship with Jan, I haven't told Jan about Erica. I don't want to tell Jan about her in case I burn my bridges and find myself left with neither of them if things don't work out with Erica. Please advise.
Hillie says:
Well, if you carry on the way you are at the moment, you are in great danger of 'burning your bridges' with both of them. Erica will probably not be content to stay as 'the other woman' for too long and Jan is bound to notice a change in your attitude towards her, then eventually find out about Erica. You say that you know things are not right between you and Jan, that you are keen on Erica, therefore it would be best to be honest with Jan and end the relationship. Two years is long enough to find out whether or not she is the right girl for you, so why not give a 100% of your effort into trying to make a successful relationship with Erica and see what happens. If things don't work out you are young enough to meet someone else and at least you will be able to live with your conscience!
Hillie Marshall
Hillie started her working career as a radiographer and then deviated into show business as a singer and actress and eventually being theatre producer for her company Edwardians Unlimited. Following her divorce in 1989 and with two young children to bring up, she launched Dinner Dates, the social events and holiday Company for single people. Today Dinner Dates is the UK’s longest established company of its kind with over 17,000 members nationwide.
The phenomenal success of Dinner Dates for singles gave Hillie the idea of a social events company for couples, so in 2007, she set up Dinner With Friends, the UK’s first couples only dining club.
Not only is Hillie a successful business entrepreneur, her experience with people has been put to good use and as both an Agony Aunt through the internet and in magazines, she offers advice and a sympathetic ear to thousands, making sense of personal and relationship problems.
Hillie is an accomplished author having written three successful books on relationships. She has given relationship advice on numerous TV and Radio shows such as GMTV, Richard and Judy, The Big Breakfast, Esther Rantzen, Kilroy, The Vanessa Show, The Time The Place, Carlton’s After 5 and was ‘Dr Date’ for LBC.
She has two children Nicola (27) and Jamie (24) and lives in Chiswick with her husband Angus and their cat 'Rufus'.
You can e-mail Hillie at: hillie@enterprise.net
Her books: 'The Good Dating Guide', 'Hillie Marshall's Guide to Successful Relationships' and 'Agonise with Hillie' can be bought on line at: www.hillie.com
Information on Dinner Dates can be found at: www.dinnerdates.com
Information on Dinner with Friends can be found at: www.dinnerwithfriends.co.uk
Words copyright: Hillie Marshall 2009
 
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