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Dear Readers,
Happy New Year to you all. I hope you had a stress free merry Christmas and that you're not still suffering from excesses over the Christmas and New Year period.
I had a wonderful Christmas with my family followed by a four day trip to Belfast with a Dinner Dates group. We had some brilliant excursions round the city, to Carrick Fergus, the Giant's Causeway via the breath taking County Antrim coastal route and we visited the last Scutcher in the British Isles to view him scutching to make flax. On New Year's Eve we enjoyed a spectacular Ball and five course dinner at the Europa Hotel where we were staying in the heart of the city. A splendid way to see in 2009.
Like many others my thoughts drifted back over the past year and I wondered what changes the New Year would bring. I also spent time since reflecting on the changes I need to make for 2009 to be as happy, healthy and successful as I want it to be. Like many others I began to make New Year resolutions which I hope I can keep a lot longer than those I made in January 2008! Hence my article for you this week is about possible New Year resolutions you might care to think about.
Wishing you all happy and prosperous New Year,
Best wishes
Hillie
NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS
To be resolved to make to make New Year Resolutions you need to write them and make a plan. Remember you can set down your resolutions in one day but nothing really big and important gets accomplished in one day. Set yourself small but significant steps to achieve throughout the year.
Here are a few you might like to consider
1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends
Spend more time with your partner and family. Make plans to meet up with friends and relations at least once a month. Work shouldn't always come first!
If you're single resolve to be as outgoing as possible, network and try to make new friends. Join in as many activities as you can to meet new people and who knows what may happen? Maybe join the Dinner Dates Valentine's Ball at One Whitehall Place on Saturday February 21st?
2. Get Fit
It's that time of year again when many people resolve to improve their health. The problem is that most good intentions go by the board within a few weeks. Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else: it reduces the risk of some cancers, helps you live longer, helps you to lose weight and maintain the loss, tones your body, enhances your mood, lowers blood pressure and it makes you look and feel better. Get advice on a healthy diet for you and just watch those excess pounds roll away.
3. Quit Smoking
If you have resolved to finally quit the habit there's lot of help out there for you. Enrol on an NHS course or indeed any regular support classes. Throw your last packet of fags in the bin and resolve to keep away for a while from friends who still smoke. Enjoy the start of your smoke-free healthy life.
4. Enjoy Life More - Enjoy NOW
The present moment is the only real moment we will ever experience. So why waste it? Amidst regrets about the past and worries about the future the present moment goes by unnoticed most of the time. Worrying about something in the future is not going to make it better, and torturing yourself with regrets will not right a wrong. You have to move forward and learn lessons from past mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, but clever people make sure that they never happen again. Don't constantly plan for the future; plotting the day when somehow you will have the time to do everything you have ever wanted to do, when life will be so much better and happier than it is now. Life just passes by when you are wrapped up in the mythical future. Instead realise that now is all any of us will ever have. Make your wish list and resolve do as many wishes as possible as soon as possible!
5. Cut down on your Drinking
Learn to moderate your drinking – you know it makes sense. Too much alcohol reduces physical coordination and mental alertness; it can lead to poor decision making, unsteadiness, slurred speech, double vision, mood swings, unconsciousness and serious accidents. Long term high levels of alcohol can lead to a higher risk for heart disease, liver disease, circulation problems, peptic ulcers and brain damage. It is an addictive drug.
6. Get Out of Debt
Spend this year sorting out your finances and resolve to try to be debt free by the end of the year. Talk to your bank manager and your creditors and get a handle on the situation. Write yourself a budget and determine to stick to it.
7. Learn Something New
Whether you decide to master a new sport, a new skill or a new language you'll find that learning is the most motivating New Year resolution to keep.
8. Help Others
Help those closest to you and if you have the time there are many non profit organisations that could do with your assistance. If time is in short supply, maybe spend the odd hour or two turning out your clothing and any household items you no longer need and donate them to a charitable organisation that will put your possessions to good use.
9. Resolve to be more organised
Whether you want your home neat enough that you can invite someone over on a whim, or your office tidy enough that you can find the stapler when you need it or you just want to know what you're doing from one day to the next. Write lists of what needs to be done and choose a day this week to do something about it!
ASK HILLIE
Your chance to get your worries off your chest
Whether it's marriage guidance, relationship advice, workplace or career difficulties, or family problems I'm here to help. A problem shared is a problem halved, so if something is getting you down or troubling you please email me at hillie@enterprise.net
Dear Hillie
Just recently a male friend of mine (he's been married for 3 years and they have an 8 month old child) asked me straight out if I would consider having an affair with him. For years I have been reassuring his wife that he doesn't cheat on her and doesn't seem to be the sort who would. Rumours circulated before they were married that he had been having affairs but they were never proven and I believed him when he said that he hadn't. Unfortunately they lost a lot of friends due to all their problems. Since he propositioned me I can't get him out of my mind and I keep thinking about what it would be like. I don't think I would because I don't want to be responsible for splitting up a family and I value my friendship with his wife too much. The problem is that I socialise with them a lot and every time I go round to see them he becomes very suggestive. As soon as she leaves the room he keeps trying to get me to kiss him. Also his wife often goes to bed early leaving us talking downstairs together and he has already tried to get off with me on one of these occasions. I'm just worried that one night we might go further than just talking. I don't want to stop going round there as I don't see why I should lose one of my best friends, but I'm concerned that if he carries on in this way something might happen between us. Please advise.
Hillie says:
This man's behaviour is despicable and you mustn't waste any more time thinking about him. His wife needs a loyal friend and you must do your best to help and support her. Tell him that you have no intention of being disloyal to her wife and that if he doesn't stop propositioning you, you will tell her exactly what has been going on. Make sure you are never alone with him again and try to socialise with his wife at times when he is not around. There are plenty of attractive single men in this world for you to associate with. Leave the married men, with all the heart-ache they could entail, to their wives and families
Dear Hillie
I have had a succession of failed relationships over the past three years, and wonder what I have been doing wrong. All my girlfriends have lived abroad or at least a hundred miles away from me. I've tried meeting and dating local girls but I never seem to fancy them. I really want to settle down, but things are just not working out. Help!
Hillie says:
You say you want to settle down but I wonder if you really do. You may in fact be someone who is committed to non commitment. It may be that the reason you find girls who live a ridiculously long way away from you attractive, is because subconsciously you know that the distance between you will eventually cause the relationship to break up - meaning that you will not have to commit yourself. Being with an attractive girl who lives just around the corner would make it much harder to find excuses as to why you couldn't commit. Just be honest with yourself and decide what you really want. It's not a crime to want to stay single, but it's dishonest to lead a partner on and deceive them as to your true intentions
Dear Hillie
I'm in my late 30's and an only son living at home with my mother. I would have left home years ago but my father died in an accident and my mother became more and more dependent on me. I have tried bringing girlfriends home to meet her but none of them have ever been good enough for her. At times she's been openly hostile. Recently I met a wonderful girl and, unbeknown to my mother, we've been seeing a lot of each other. I am reluctant to introduce them to each other because I feel this relationship is very special. What would you advise me?
Hillie says:
You have been a loyal and supportive son to your mother for many years and now it is time for her to consider your happiness. Tell her about your new girlfriend and explain your reluctance about introducing her. Impress upon her not only how special this girl is to you, but how important is her blessing on you both. Encourage her to feel excited by the possibility of gaining a daughter rather than feeling threatened by the imagined loss of her son. If she is still not prepared to accept your newfound happiness, consider moving out.
Dear Hillie
I'm 34, my boyfriend is 35 and we have been together for almost 2 years. I love him very much however he wants children and I don't. We have always said how we felt from the very beginning, but he thought I would change my mind. He says he will leave if I don't have children because it will eventually cause a rift between us. I am upset that he would sacrifice me for a person who doesn't even exist yet. Having a child is such a serious thing I couldn't do it unless I was absolutely sure - but everyone keeps telling me I'll feel differently once I'm pregnant. What if I don't? I love my nephews and nieces but that is enough for me. I basically see motherhood as one long drudge, a huge responsibility for very little in return except worry, sleepless nights and loss of freedom. Am I mad or selfish like people are telling me? Isn't it selfish to try to make me do something that I really don't want to do? Please help! It's decision time!
Hillie says:
Don't even entertain the idea of having a child you might resent at a later date unless you really want one. Don't think that at the age of 34 time is running out for you. You may well get maternal feelings in a few years time and although more careful monitoring is required, many women have their first child in their forties. Don't feel guilty if you decide to remain childless but you must respect your boyfriend's needs as well. It would better for you both to part now to give him freedom to find someone else who shares his same dream and you the chance to meet someone who loves you just for yourself.Hillie Marshall
Hillie started her working career as a radiographer and then started in show business as a singer and actress and eventually being theatre producer for her company Edwardians Unlimited. Following her divorce in 1989 and with two young children to bring up, she founded Dinner Dates, the social events and holiday Company for single people. Today Dinner Dates is the UK’s longest established company of its kind with over 17,000 members nationwide. www.dinnerdates.com
The phenomenal success of Dinner Dates for singles gave Hillie the idea of a social events company for couples, so in 2007, she set up Dinner With Friends, the UK’s first couples only dining club. www.dinnerwithfriends.co.uk
Not only is Hillie a successful business entrepreneur, her experience with people has been put to good use and, as both an Agony Aunt through the internet and in magazines, she offers advice and a sympathetic ear to thousands, making sense of personal and relationship problems.
Hillie is an accomplished author having written three successful books on relationships. She has given relationship advice on numerous TV and Radio shows such as GMTV, Richard and Judy, The Big Breakfast, Esther Rantzen, Kilroy, The Vanessa Show, The Time The Place, Carlton’s After 5 and was ‘Dr Date’ for LBC.
She has two children Nicola (31) and Jamie (27) and lives in Chiswick with her husband Angus.
You can e-mail Hillie at: hillie@enterprise.net
Her books: 'The Good Dating Guide', 'Hillie Marshall's Guide to Successful Relationships' and 'Agonise with Hillie' can be bought on line at: www.hillie.com
Words copyright: Hillie Marshall 2011 |
