Darlings, are you getting ready for the festive season? I’m off on a trip to Paris to stay with friends, and I have to say it’s been a few years since I spent Christmas and the New Year in Europe’s so-called most romantic city. The last time it happened I almost got married – again, but the romantic frog was not all that I thought he was. So beware ladies, don’t go falling in love cause ‘tis the season.
Well, having dealt with the Poison Dwarf saga – I hear her husband is thinking of divorce BTW, and quite right too, we have another one………
You’ve all heard of ROAD RAGE – but now we have SOCIAL RAGE darlings. It may be that we girls might have to hire bodyguards when we attend social do-lars. Lucky for us we have our own professional security girl at HOT GOSSIP, JACQUIELINE (STAY SAFE) DAVIS, the world’s top female bodyguard, no less. I ought to meet her soon, I could do with some good advice. I hear through the grapevine she’s going to be training bright young things (young IT GIRLS) on how to protect themselves for when they become famous – some already are including our deputy editor SALLY DOUBLE BARRELED’s daughter JADE. Please keep them away from TARA PT, only joking we all love that crazy girl for coming clean.
It was our impatient editor in chief GEORGINA BRUNI who turned out to be a victim of social rage – well, that’s what I call it. It took place at a society party for ARTNICK PUBLISHING, owned by the EuropeanCOUNTESS VALENTINA ARTSRUNIK. The countess is known for her unusually entertaining soirées so something OTT had to happen. And so it did! There was poor GB trying to chat to former socialite BASIA(pronounced BASHER) BRIGGS, who’d accused GB of writing ‘not nice things’ about her in HOT GOSSIP (and I know Georgina has never ever written about her) and before GB could get the chance to explain, Basia ‘blanked her’. Now GB doesn’t usually swear in public but she doesn’t mince words either, and called her f……g rude, when suddenly Basia’s husband RICHARD BRIGGS OBE shoved GB and kept shoving her. I (and others) were terribly shocked. I saw it happen and tried to stop him by repeatedly saying, ‘Don’t do that’. Now he may have been upset about the swear word, but a former army officer should know better than to push a delicate girl around. And this, my dears took place at an Embassy! But this is not the first incident involving Basia, others in social circles have been upset too, including a couple of titled ladies. Read the papers! The latest was in the Daily Mirror gossip pages where Basia blatantly admitted that her husband pushed GB. So sadly I can’t say you heard it here first!
That same day GB was not the only one reported in the press of swearing. All the press reported on the four letter words used by British royals PRINCESS ANNE (have to say she outshone JRN BUSH – she looked so regal at the banquet – but we know he was wearing his cowboy boots with a fake royal crest) and SEXY PRINCE ANDY (imagine!) who both shout swear words to their servants. So now we can understand why ELIZABETH WINDSOR dishes out honours and titles to every Tom DICK and Harry, and spy and even an Archer.
Talking of which, how simply dreadful that Her Majesty has her cornflakes served in plastic containers.
GEORGIE BUSH JRN has been and gone thank goodness darlings. I mean, we Londoners were virtual prisoners during his short stay. I was too afraid to go out in case I was shot by one of his security guards for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can just see the headlines now – Controversial gossip columnist Regina shot by President’s men. They were even trying to get the tube closed and even though I don’t use public transport – not at all, it would have made it much more difficult to get around, what with all those extra cars on the road.
If Junior hadn’t been so paranoid about his own protection (costing Brities more than six million pounds) and had been more friendly toward us he might have received a jollier reception. But darlings there were 100,000 protesters out there – all against Junior Bush. Now darlings, I simply adore the yanks, I mean they are great people and some of my best friends are Americans, but really, they have had far better presidents.
And what about ANTHONY BLAIR? How I wish he would change his way of speaking, he looks like a provincial primary teacher who has had a crash course in public speaking. And all those simply dreadful hand and arm movements – flying around all over the place. And he’s such an attractive man otherwise. Please Carol get back in his favour so you can groom him how to move with charm.
But what of the delectable MICHAEL HOWARD with the newly acquired Cheshire Cat grin since he was made leader of the opposition? And to think he might be the next Prime Minister. I hope he at least keeps his sense of humour after all the dreadful negative times we are now in. I mean, a girl has to be happy.
Thanks to the editor of the tabloid Daily Mirror (who’s quite a dishy piece of work BTW) everybody will want to be famous. MR MORON is currently presenting a TV show THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING FAMOUS and he’s not doing so bad himself. I might have to write more about him soon. But with this show we could be having all kinds of people trying to get written up in my column as well as trying to get themselves on guest lists.
Have a happy holiday season and if you can’t be good be bad. See you again in February.